Obsessing over guy i'm dating still on dating site

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It means thoughts popping into your head when you least expect them that you may feel like you have no control over.It means crying unexpectedly or feeling a sudden surge of anger or a deep wave of sadness.You meet someone, they ask you out, you enjoy yourself, you continue talking and spending time together, and feel the attraction and desire for a relationship building as the dates continue.Unfortunately, in spite of chemistry, common interests, apparent shared interests, direct and indirect references to the future etc, it becomes apparent that they’re not over their ex either because they tell you, or it becomes apparent through their actions.You’d recognise that not being over your ex, in whatever guise it takes, means still emotionally tied, whether it’s positively or negatively.It means that you might still be in touch with them, a reunion may still be under negotiation, and that you may be putting a lot of effort in to not making contact or swatting off their efforts.Here’s what empathy would look like: You’d put yourself in their shoes and immediately recognise that after a breakup, it’s a confusing and painful time where you go through a plethora of emotions – it’s time to get out of the way.You may even recognise that when you’re keen to avoid the hurt, it can feel oh so tempting to attach yourself to someone in the hope that they’ll distract, numb, or even excite, but you know that what they don’t do, is fix your breakup for you.

You may reason that you’ve often dated or even had relationships when you were still emotionally invested in an ex but you believe that the love you had to give was still a lot, even if you were divvying it up on the quiet – it’s not though; you’re overvaluing what you bring to the table. We were having such a great time but I obviously wasn’t good enough to make them forget about them. You’d be worried that you were ‘impatient’ and that after allowing yourself to be a Buffer, once they’d recovered in your Rebound Hospital, they’d skip on out of there and be an available, over their ex partner with a different person.

It’s either that they said they’re not over their ex, so you decide their actions say otherwise, or you see they’re not over their ex, but decide that they’ve said different – either way, nothing matches.

You’d say stuff like “Well if I wasn’t over my ex then I’d leave” or “If I wasn’t over my ex, I wouldn’t get involved with someone else” and then reason that ipso facto, they haven’t left and they did get involved with you, so they must be over their ex.

Then you’d wonder if they were talking out of their bum as a gentle way of letting you know that you’re not ‘good enough’.

You’d put yourself in their shoes and remember the good times you’ve had, even if they’re brief, and remember the potential you’ve seen, and then see it for the both of you.

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